The Kackistocrat's Handbook for the Recently Deceased.

My childhood was typical--summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds; pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of 14 a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles . There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it’s breathtaking…I suggest you try it -- Dr. Evil

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Location: Richmond, California, United States

Monday, March 07, 2005

Police break in to find home-alone hamster.

BERLIN, Germany (Reuters)
A German man who went on holiday left his stereo and lights on so that his pet hamster would not feel lonely in the empty apartment, a police spokesman said on Monday after breaking into the home over fears the man may have died.

The spokesman for police in Bremen said police broke open the door after being alerted by neighbors that loud music was playing nonstop for five days and the lights were left on. No one answered the door when they knocked, police said.

"There was a fear the occupant might have been disabled or dead," a police spokesman said. "All we found was a pet hamster. The occupant was away on holiday. A friend of his arrived and said he left the music on so the hamster wouldn't feel lonely."

The spokesman said the friend of the occupant, who is still on holiday and not reachable, told police she visited every few days to feed the golden hamster food and provide water. She promised to turn the music down and come by more often.

Copyright 2005 Reuters. All rights reserved

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