The Kackistocrat's Handbook for the Recently Deceased.

My childhood was typical--summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds; pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of 14 a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles . There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it’s breathtaking…I suggest you try it -- Dr. Evil

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Location: Richmond, California, United States

Monday, May 09, 2005

Band Update: 3rd show and name change...

This past Saturday night was my band's 3rd show; this time in Novato. Novato is a small town in Marin County that is basically a well-to-do suburb. Mostly rich kids, a lot of homogeny, not much to do, and rarely any live music. We were playing at a small bar called Brown's Binyard on the corner of Grant and 1st street. Also on the bill were openers Da Unknowns and closers (local favorites) Potential Treat. I knew something was amiss when, upon arrival, I was asked if I brought my mic.

The idea of the show in advance was almost as bad as the show itself. I wasn't really into it because, at the time, we thought we were going all the way out there to play for free. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not above playing for free. But this show was a long drive from home, we had to scrounge up enough vehicles to lug all of our gear, gas is expensive, and so are bridge tolls. Now, as I said I am not above playing for free, but this would be a financial loss for the band to do it. Furthermore, I think it's lame to charge people a cover and then tell the band they might not be getting paid.

However, I'm a man of my word and I think that backing out of a show at the last minute might be the worste possible thing to do; it almost seems worse than having a really bad show... but don't worry, we did.

We had every problem imaginable: Our Bassist was MIA until 10 minutes before we were supposed to go on, our drummer was slobbering drunk, the venue had no sound equipment of it's own and most of us didn't want to be there. But as usual, I got psyced as the time to play got closer and figured that we came all this way, we might as well play our hearts out.

I will say one great thing about Novato, the people there love their live music; good or bad. We had an amazing responce for the caliber of music that we played. Althought Monty and Keith bot played great guitar, neither of them could hear each other. Not that it mattered since our drummer decided he didn't need to play about 20% of the beats he was supposed to play. Both Hrlem and I were in the middle listening to the aweful rawkus that was eminating from our respective rigs (that we can mostly attribute to the lack of moniters). Sadly though, nothing tears apart the fluidity of a band quicker than a fucked up drummer.

I was poised to announce our new name "Soul Broker" at this show, but decided that it would probably be a bad idea since we sucked so bad. This way, when we come back people will think we are a different band. Surprisingly though, people loved us. A guy named Ken approached me after the show and told me that he booked for a club a few blocks away called Desilva's. he said he loved us and wants to put on a Metal show at his bar. Then he offered me a drink if we came by after our gig to check out his bar.

When we arrived at Desilva's it was a much different vibe. A big room, raised stage, professional sound; this place was really nice. He told me that he was booking shows for late June and that he wanted us there. I told him that I could book two other bands and he seemed excited. After a couple of beers Lisa and I left.

For the following passage has been removed to protect the guilty.

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After that it gets a bit foggy. Needless to say, both Drummer & Guitarist got home OK... eventually. One at 5am and the other sometime in the late morning. Another show down, we ended up being paid really well for a mediocre performance, and 3/5 of us made it home safely. Another day in the trials and tribulations of a rock and roll lifestlye.

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