The Kackistocrat's Handbook for the Recently Deceased.

My childhood was typical--summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds; pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of 14 a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles . There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it’s breathtaking…I suggest you try it -- Dr. Evil

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Location: Richmond, California, United States

Monday, September 19, 2005

It's Been a While

MARSEILLE, France (Reuters) - A Frenchman in his sixties lived for five years with the body of his dead mother to keep receiving her 700 euros monthly pension, judicial sources said Saturday.

The man, a hospital morgue worker, is to be prosecuted for fraud and concealing a death Saturday after police found the corpse in a two-room apartment in the city center in piles of rubbish.

Police went to the flat because of unpaid rent and other bills. The man had imitated an old woman's voice to deceive the social services.
His mother had died of natural causes at the age of 94.
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Another Underreported Success Story in the Rebuilding of Iraq: "Abu Mustafa" (a nickname) is part of a small market of vendors of pornographic videos operating in Baghdad, according to an August Reuters dispatch, and sells about 50 DVDs a day, with movies from Lebanon and other Arab countries the most popular. "I tried lots of other jobs," he said, but this was his most promising opportunity (although he said the righteous Shi'ite Badr Brigades have threatened to kill him and his approximately 30 competitors in the Bab al-Sharjee neighborhood). [Reuters, 8-10-05]
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In May, the John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation made a $700,000 grant to a World Wildlife Fund program to protect the apparently gorgeous forests in the Himalayan nation of Bhutan even though (according to a 2003 report in National Geographic) the recipient of the attention, the Sakteng Wildlife Sanctuary, was explicitly created to protect Bhutan's version of "Bigfoot." Bhutan's "yeti" is called the "migoi" and is about 5 feet tall, covered with hair except for a face, smells horrible, and disguises its four-legged tracks by carefully making sure to leave only two prints. [Environmental News Service, 5-4-05; National Geographic News, 10-23-03]
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(1) Arlyne Reiter, of Pompano Beach, Fla., describing the experience of having just arisen in the morning to encounter an iguana in her bathroom: "It was like Jurassic Park in my toilet." (2) Connecticut saddle-maker Mike Derrick, on why he set up a booth in Boston at the August Fetish Fair Fleamarket: He could spend six hours creating a bridle for a horse and earn $40, he said, but "make one for a human, $120." [South Florida Sun-Sentinel, 8-22-05] [Boston Herald, 8-7-05]
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The last three came from News of the Weird

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