The Kackistocrat's Handbook for the Recently Deceased.

My childhood was typical--summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds; pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of 14 a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles . There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it’s breathtaking…I suggest you try it -- Dr. Evil

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Location: Richmond, California, United States

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Band Update: The World's Smallest Venue

This passed weekend we (Soul Broker) played at a little bar in El Cerrito called Cliff's. I had never been to this Bar but Christian and Harlem both claimed to have gotten drunk there many times and assured me "that place is awesome." Upon arrival at this "awesome" bar I walked in and immediately began looking for the back room where us and BRNR would be playing; I never found it. That's because it didn't exist.

This place was about as small as you could imagine. Maybe 30 feet long and 20 feet wide with a bar taking up 1/4 of the space and a pool table taking up about another 20%. Once BRNR brought all their stuff in there was about 15-20% of actual floor space left. This actually worked out well because the 20 people who were there actually filled the place nicely. And to add a bit of insult to injury, the club had no PA (much like our last show) and our equipment didn't have enough power to raise the vocals to a level that could compare to the guitars (again, like our last show).

BRNR began to play at a little after 9 and by the second song they were rockin pretty hard. Those guys have become so tight over the last year or so that they can play well even when they can't hear each other. They rocked for about an hour and by the time they were done the club was about as full as it could get (20 or so people).

We began a little after 10 and played our set as best as we could. Our guitars were too loud and the vocals too low but at least we were all in time, for the most part there were no mistakes and everyone was "on". At around 9:45 I noticed a cop standing at the front door and thought we were about to be shut down but after a few minutes of head bobbing he asked us to keep the door closed and he left. Who knows, we might have a new fan after that.

Other than a space and sound issue, the show went much better than anticipated. We all had a great time and have decided to play a bunch more shows with BRNR in the coming months. At least this show was a rebound from our declining performances.

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