Random Rants: What the World Needs to Know
-The Atkins diet is bullshit. Sure, you'll be skinny when you die of a massive heart attack at 35.
-A dog is a living, breathing animal not a fashion accessory.
-The blinker on your car is not a courtesy device, it's a safety device.
-A rear view mirror is not supposed to be used for applying makeup, shaving, or plucking any sort of facial or nasal hair.
-Animals should NEVER wear clothing.
-Midgets are always funny; even when they're really angry.
-Cropping a dog's ears or tail is only appropriate if you're going to do it to yourself as well... Jackass
-Driving a BMW or Lexus does not give you the right to park in 3 spots or on the sidewalk.
-If you don't know what cell phone etiquette is, hang the fuck up!
-Everyone likes music. That doesn't mean that I want to hear yours from 200 yards away asshole.
-If a sheep is also known as a ram, and a mule is also an ass, then how come a ram in the ass is a goose?
-If a woman let's you buy her a drink, that doesn't mean she owes you a sexual favor. However, if she buys you a drink, you'd better put out.
-There is a huge difference between confidence and arrogance.
-The biggest threat to world peace is ignorance.
-God does not hate fags, niggers, kikes, or spics! God only hate the assholes that use those words.
-There is nothing redeeming about reality television.
-If you admire a criminal like Martha Stewart you need to reexamine your values.
-Emeril Lagasse is a television personality, not a chef.
-The only thing worse than fake titties are the fake women who wear them.
-There is NOTHING nutritious on a fast food restaurant's menu.
-If you can't walk and chew gum at the same time why are you driving while talking on your cell phone?
-No matter what he says, he is NEVER going to leave his wife for you.
-Techno and trance music is only appropriate if everybody in the room is on Ecstasy.
-Patchouli is not a substitute for showering. On that note, neither is any other perfume or cologne.
-A man with a "C" average in college is never a man to admire intellectually; even if he is President.
-Sitting in a cubicle for 8 hours a day in not a rewarding career... No matter how much you're paid!
-A dog is a living, breathing animal not a fashion accessory.
-The blinker on your car is not a courtesy device, it's a safety device.
-A rear view mirror is not supposed to be used for applying makeup, shaving, or plucking any sort of facial or nasal hair.
-Animals should NEVER wear clothing.
-Midgets are always funny; even when they're really angry.
-Cropping a dog's ears or tail is only appropriate if you're going to do it to yourself as well... Jackass
-Driving a BMW or Lexus does not give you the right to park in 3 spots or on the sidewalk.
-If you don't know what cell phone etiquette is, hang the fuck up!
-Everyone likes music. That doesn't mean that I want to hear yours from 200 yards away asshole.
-If a sheep is also known as a ram, and a mule is also an ass, then how come a ram in the ass is a goose?
-If a woman let's you buy her a drink, that doesn't mean she owes you a sexual favor. However, if she buys you a drink, you'd better put out.
-There is a huge difference between confidence and arrogance.
-The biggest threat to world peace is ignorance.
-God does not hate fags, niggers, kikes, or spics! God only hate the assholes that use those words.
-There is nothing redeeming about reality television.
-If you admire a criminal like Martha Stewart you need to reexamine your values.
-Emeril Lagasse is a television personality, not a chef.
-The only thing worse than fake titties are the fake women who wear them.
-There is NOTHING nutritious on a fast food restaurant's menu.
-If you can't walk and chew gum at the same time why are you driving while talking on your cell phone?
-No matter what he says, he is NEVER going to leave his wife for you.
-Techno and trance music is only appropriate if everybody in the room is on Ecstasy.
-Patchouli is not a substitute for showering. On that note, neither is any other perfume or cologne.
-A man with a "C" average in college is never a man to admire intellectually; even if he is President.
-Sitting in a cubicle for 8 hours a day in not a rewarding career... No matter how much you're paid!
posted by Mike | 3:07 PM
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