The Kackistocrat's Handbook for the Recently Deceased.

My childhood was typical--summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds; pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of 14 a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles . There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it’s breathtaking…I suggest you try it -- Dr. Evil

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Location: Richmond, California, United States

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Why Religion Inhibits Spirituality

I was watching TV the other day and came across a mini-series called Revelations. This (I believe) 4 part movie chronicles the end of days as predicted by the Bible. Religion has been at the forefront of debate more now that it seems to have been in the last decade. Not that this is a surprising notion, Republicans always push religious issues because religion controls people through fear, just like Republicans do.

I should however, clarify my stance on this issue. I believe that spirituality is not only valid, but an essential part of humanity. However let's face it, all religion does is inhibit this spirituality that we all need. Religion takes a good idea and attempts to profit on it in one way or another. Religion teaches exclusionism and isolation. Religion teaches fear of god. And religion trys to control the way you think. Who's idea was it that we had to fear god? Why is it that every religion believes that they are the only one that's right; that only their people will enter the utopian afterlife?

If it wasn't for religion we wouldn't have excuses to hate homosexuals, or Jews, or Muslims. We wouldn't have had the Crusades, the Inquisition, or a thousand other bloody massacres. We wouldn't have thousands of years of unrest in the Middle East, suicide bombers, or zealots. People kill everyday in the name of their god; they justify unwarranted attacks on other countries or innocent people because they can find some passage in their holy book that they translate to be some kind of murderous permission.

Religion teaches arrogance, fear, hatred, sadness, guilt, and oppression. The Bible was NEVER meant to be taken literally and the people who do destroy the massage; and with that, they destroy god. Don't get me wrong, the Bible is an amazing book that teaches invaluable morals. However, the Bible is a book full of similies and metaphors; that's it!

During the 1700's there were two men known as The Brothers Grimm. These two men compiled many books of oral folklore passed on from generation to generation throughout Europe. These stories would eventually be well known in our society via Disney. Stories such as The Three Bears, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella are among some of the more gruesome tales written in this early text that Disney altered to fit a more sensitive modern culture.

The idea was not that a fox dressed in old-lady clothes really sexually desired a young girl, but that an old man would try to fool a young girl by disguising himself as a friend. The fox was a METAPHOR representing a predatory older man, possibly a child molester. Do you see where I am going with this? The intention of the Bible was the same; teach people a lesson through folklore and representation.

The main problem that I really have with religion is the exclusionary ideal. How is it that there can be hundreds of world religions but only one can be right? I mean what is the difference between Baptist, and Penicostal, and Lutheran, and Protestant, and Catholic, and 7th Day Adventist for that matter? How about Mormon and Jehovah's Witnesses? Aren't they all Christians of one form or another? How about Branch Dividians? When do they cross the line from Christian to Cult? In reality "Christians" were still called Jews 600 years after Christ died until they decided that Jews weren't Christ-following enough. Then, guess what? They became a cult of Judaism called Christians.

How about Jews and Muslims? Do you think the average person in America can tell the difference between and Israeli and a Kuwaiti? I doubt it. In truth, Jews and Muslims aren't that different from each other. Neither eat pork or shell fish, Abraham is much like Mohammed, and both believe the "Messiah" is on his way to save them all. Yet they have been at war for 5000 years over one chunk of land that they both believe is their holiest place... they could almost be the same religion.

I am a universalist. I believe that, if there is a god, he loves and respects everyone equally. I don't think that what you believe in is important, it's just important that you believe. Believe in humanity,believe in right & wrong, believe in something bigger than yourself, believe in ideas. As Chris Rock said in Dogma: "I just think it's better to have ideas (than beliefs). You can change ideas, but beliefs -- that's a lot trickier."

I don't believe in a god that's angry or vengeful. I don't believe in a god that hates "fags, niggers, spics, kikes, chinks, japs, or bitches" or anything else that you might hate. C'mon, wake up people. Stop using your deity as an excuse for your ignorance. God does not want you to bomb an abortion clinic, lynch a black person, or persecute a minority.

And while we're at it. Why do boxers cross their chest before they step into the ring? Are athletes that narcissistic that they believe god actually wants them to beat the crap out of the other guy? Do they really believe that god cares if they hit a homerun or score a touchdown? I mean, if god has time to think about the performance of childish, arrogant, and overpaid athletes as opposed to starving children, disease, and intolerance then I think he need to reevaluate his priorities.

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