The Kackistocrat's Handbook for the Recently Deceased.

My childhood was typical--summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds; pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of 14 a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles . There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it’s breathtaking…I suggest you try it -- Dr. Evil

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Location: Richmond, California, United States

Monday, June 27, 2005

Do You Hate Your Job?

I hate my job!

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this.

On your way home fromwork, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair, open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins -

Take out the literature and read it carefully.

You will notice that in small print there is a statement, "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson &Johnson is personally tested".

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson. "

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOBTHAT IS WORSE THAN YOURS.

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