Just When We Thought American's Were Stupid Enough...

Woman tattoos Web address on forehead
Sold unusual advertising space for $10,000




SALT LAKE CITY, Utah (AP) -- For $10,000, Kari Smith has gone ahead and had her forehead tattooed with the Web address of a gambling site.


Smith, 30, who sold her unusual advertising space on eBay, said the money will give her 11-year-old son a private education, which she believes he needs after falling behind in school.

"For the all the sacrifices everyone makes, this is a very small one," she said. "It's a small sacrifice to build a better future for my son," she said.

"To everyone else, it seems like a stupid thing to do. To me, $10,000 is like $1 million. I only live once, and I'm doing it for my son," she said.

Tattoo artist Don Brouse said he and his staff spent nearly seven hours Wednesday trying to talk Smith out of putting "GOLDENPALACE.COM" above her face. When he did go through with it, he kept the inch-tall letters close to her hairline, where bangs or a hat could provide some cover.

Smith's eBay auction attracted more than 27,000 hits and 1,000 watchers.

Bidding reached $999.99 before Goldenpalace.com, an Internet gambling company in the Mohawk Territory of Kahnawake, Canada, met Smith's $10,000 asking price.

This article came from CNN.

Welcom Back Religious Freaks

Principal is whipped to punish two teens
Christian school fires educator who says Jesus inspired him.

By ZAZ HOLLANDER
Anchorage Daily News
11/13/04

WASILLA -- Matanuska Christian School's principal has been fired and a teacher has quit over a disciplinary incident in which the principal had himself whipped in front of two students.

Principal Steve Unfreid, who said he was inspired in his choice of disciplinary tactics by the actions of Jesus, asked teacher Joe Brost to whip him in front of two male students in the school's basement last month after the boys were caught kissing girls in the locker room for the second time in a week.

Unfreid, in an interview Friday at his home, acknowledged he should have called the boys' parents first but expressed no regret for his behavior.

The school's board of directors unanimously decided in a closed-door session Sunday to fire Unfreid.

Brost resigned Monday night at a crowded meeting in the school's chapel. He did not want to comment for this story.

Roughly 120 students now attend the Palmer school. About 20 students have left in the incident's aftermath, school officials said. It could not be learned whether the departing youths were motivated to leave by their support of Unfreid.

In a letter sent to the school's board Wednesday, Unfreid said he would not fight his dismissal. He also apologized for "outbursts at the school board meeting" on Monday.

Unfreid violated school policy by not notifying parents before going ahead with discipline, particularly with "anything that unusual," school board president and acting administrator Scott Richardson said Friday.

The decision to take the boys' punishment on himself showed a form of Christianity that was too radical for some members of the school community, Unfreid said, sitting cross-legged on a leather couch in his Wasilla living room Friday afternoon.

Since coming to the school as a teacher several years ago, he said, he pushed for the school to admit a married student, laid on hands in an effort to heal a girl basketball player's injured ankle, and has taken troubled students into his family's home.

"The vision I had is the love of God can change everything," Unfreid said.

When the two seniors, 17 and 18, got caught kissing girls in front of younger students in late October, Unfreid said that while contemplating what discipline to hand out, he woke at 3 a.m. and prayed how to avoid expelling them. He said that was when he remembered years ago he had cured his son of chronic lying by telling his son to hit him with a wooden ladle instead of spanking the youngster.

Later at school, Unfreid walked the boys down to a basement room with Brost. He told them, " 'Guys, this has gotta stop,' " he said. " 'I've let the atmosphere get too lax. I share in this discipline. This is a one-time deal.' "
Then the principal took off his belt, gave it to Brost, and instructed the teacher to "discipline me like you would discipline your own son," he recalled.

He told the teacher to stop only when the students acknowledged their mistake. The whole thing, starting with the trip downstairs, lasted 5 to 10 minutes, he said.

The next day, Unfreid mentioned the lesson in Bible class. A student in class complained, talked to school officials, and word of the incident spread.

By Thursday, Palmer police came to the school to interview the principal and some students, Richardson said. That same day, Unfreid and Brost were put on administrative leave.

The scandal showed up in newspaper, radio and television news reports this week.
School officials are looking for a new principal.

Richardson said the school has a ban on corporal punishment of any kind.

Asked about any religious split in the school, Richardson said the school board voted unanimously to fire the principal. "There's no split at all on the school board," he said. "But there are some parents who expressed support of Mr. Unfreid's actions."

Parent Mitch Rausa, reached by phone Friday night, said the whole thing really surprised him and other parents, though he is trying to remain neutral on the principal's actions.

The situation -- and the public and police attention -- made him uncomfortable, though the police found no wrongdoing, Rausa said.

The school developed its own bylaws to keep government out of its business, he said. That's why it's so important to stick to those bylaws.

"Being a believer, I know that the only one that can take on the sins of anyone is Jesus," he said.

This article came from The Anchorage Daily News Via Liz.

Charades Anyone?

I Have to Share This!

There is no dignity in what I’m about to share with you. Few things in the world are less classy than smoking crystal meth. Speed is the bastard child of the drug family, cocaine’s ugly retarded stepbrother. Like alcohol but unlike almost all other illegal drugs, it causes brain damage. Yet maybe twice a year, when all my booty calls are out of town or otherwise engaged, I’ll motor over to a female friend’s house and ask her to light me up. I do this not because I enjoy being more agitated than I naturally am, nor because I savor the idea of being awake for 93 straight hours, but because it gives me the rampaging sex drive of an adolescent stegosaurus.

She’ll dip into her bag using a knife blade, pull out a tiny pile of yellowy slush, fill the little glass bulb at the end of her pipe, and run the flame under it as I inhale a half dozen or so bronco snorts of pure white smoke. It tastes like hair spray and hits the brain instantly. All warm cheeked and excited, I bid my friend adieu and head home quickly for a robust round of self-pleasuring.

It once took me six straight hours of masturbating BEFORE I was able to get it up. The last time, it took me TEN hours. All of this, mind you, while I was screamingly horny yet pitifully limp, a single-minded Sex Cyclops consumed with rutting mammalian instinct.

The larger my speed-induced lust, the smaller my penis. It becomes a pink rosebud. A decorative curlicue resting featherlike atop a miniature birthday cake. A whisper of a penis. At best, the implication of a penis.

Flopping and flailing, tugging and yanking, rolling my micro-burrito between my thumb and forefinger, I desperately Google “Hairy Asian Pussy”… “Big Black Tits”… “Shaved Mature Naked”… but am unable to focus on any single image long enough to construct a suitable fantasy. I click rapidly from one photo to the next, accidentally smearing vitamin E oil on the keyboard and mouse, all through the night until morning’s cruel rays mock my soft, greasy loins.

I’ll finally manage a pathetic micro-gasm while still half hard. It resembles a tiny worm vomiting its lunch. I will then make lists for a day or two before finally falling asleep.

The upside is that I become hypersexual for a solid week after crashing, with hearty, vein-laden erections and orgasms so intense it feels as if I’m pulling cartilage out through my perineum. This becomes handy when the booty calls start meowing outside and begging for a saucerful of milk.

-From Jim Goad at Vice Magzine

Bush Calls Average Americans "A Bunch of Idiots"

OK, not really, but he might as well have!

Did anyone see the speech Bush gave last night in a last ditch attempt to save his ass? Well honestly I didn't either (I've been moving), but I've been reading different accounts of the speech all over the news sites this morning and it's become blindingly obvious that Bush believes that middle America is full of idiots; since he was reelected last November he might be right.

Our illustrious leader is once again invoking 9/11 fears to promote a war that had nothing to do with 9/11. "We fight today because terrorists want to attack our country and kill our citizens -- and Iraq is where they are making their stand," he said. "So we will fight them there ... And we will stay in the fight until the fight is won."

So, why are they making their stand in Iraq? Because we put them there. Bush is still trying to blame Iraq for 9/11? He is still blatantly telling Americans: hey, you're all a bunch of fucking rubes who will continue to take the shit that I am shovelling down your throat; and like it. Sadly it's only now, 7 months into his second term, that the voting public is finally starting to doubt Bush's rationale.

"What they have ensured, in invading Iraq, is they have actually promoted al Qaeda's involvement in other countries, including Iraq." Said Lynne Jones, a lawmaker in Britain's Labour Party headed up by Tony Blair.

"The president's frequent references to the terrorist attacks of September 11 show the weakness of his arguments. He is willing to exploit the sacred ground of 9/11, knowing that there is no connection between 9/11 and the war in Iraq," said House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi.

So we have comparisons to Vietnam, our biggest ally in the war has now publicly stated there is no connection, Bush's disapproval rating has risen to 53%, and over 1,700 American troops alone have died in this war! But we need to stay the course?

I believe the average American knows that we can't just walk out of Iraq tomorrow, we have built too much hatred there. What we want is some truth! Don't keep feeding us the same bullshit in an attempt to save you ass; we're not buying and it insults our intelligence. What we want is Bush to take responsibility for his actions instead of pushing the blame onto intelligence agencies, Al Queda, or WMDs. Just tell us the truth! And hey, if you don't want to tell us the truth about the past, at least tell us the truth about the present and the future.


http://www.cnn.com/2005/POLITICS/06/29/bush.intl/index.html
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2005/06/29/MNGCCDGGC81.DTL
http://www.cnn.com/2005/POLITICS/06/27/bush.poll/index.html
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8387168/
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,161022,00.html

Movie Reviews: Batman Begins & Land of the Dead

Batman Begins

Initially, one would think that a masterpiece like Tim Burton & Michael Keaton's Batman should never have been attempted again. Furthermore, the only crime that would be more heinous would be to pursue a path that was walked similarly by Batman Returns (Tim Burton's only totally "Bad" movie), Batman Forever (this time Joel Shumacher & Val Kilmer), and the oh-so-atrocious Batman & Robin (Joel Shumacher, George Cloony, and Chris O'Donnell). Luckily, Christopher Nolan takes us on a much different journey -- a pathway into a much more evil, angry, and vindictive man bent on vigilante justice.

Many of us associate Gotham with Metropolis; in other words, New York. However, Nolan brings Gotham to a dark, damp, musty, futuristic Chicago.

We all know the story, Bruce Wayne's parents are killed when he is really young (around 8 or 10) and it pushes his psyche into a free-fall that turns him into a dark knight with superhuman fight moves and dazzling acrobatics. However, Batman has no super powers; he is just a man with a mission and some great gadgets. But do you know where he learned to fight, how he can think like a criminal so efficiently, how he built the Batcave, and what was Alfred real purpose in Young Master Wayne's life.

Batman Begins stars an unlikely but perfectly cast Christian Bale as a young man who knows something has to be done to save his beloved city; but what? The answer to that question comes in the form of Ducard (Liam Neeson). Along the way Bale finds resources in the likes of genius inventor Lucius Fox (Morgan Freeman) and undaunting compassion and encouragement from Alfred (Another unlikely casting choice, Michael Caine). Batman also finds a friend in a young police lieutenant Jim Gordon (Gary Oldman).

The weakest link in this movie is the one person who's getting all the hype; Katie Holmes. It seems that Dawson's Creek doesn't prepare you for the real world of acting. She plays the damsel in distress with all the gumption of an overcooked piece of asparagus -- limp, smelly, and unappealing. Personally, I would've rather seen the volleyball from Cast Away in this role.

Overall this movie exceed my expectations. Bale, Caine, Freeman, and Oldman were all so good in this movie it overshadowed the mediocrity of Holmes. The movie was well filmed, answered a lot of lingering Batman questions, and kept flowing from beginning to end. However, without giving anything away, I think the last two minutes of the movie was a really bad idea. We'll see if I prove to be right.

Land of the dead

I should start off by saying that I am not usually a big fan of horror/zombie movies. Not that I don't like them, I am just not what you would call a connoisseur of the genre.

George A Romero's fourth installment in a series that started off as a film school project was releases nearly 40 year after the original Night of the Living Dead. Land of the Dead finds a group of still-living humans defending one of the last cities thought to be impenetrable by the worlds flesh-eating zombies. True to the original (as opposed to the recent remake of Dawn of the Dead) these undead are slow and unintelligent; or are they?

Although most of the cast is filled with relative unknowns, there are two big names is supporting roles. Cholo (John Leguizamo) is a defender of the city who is looking to get out of the action and into the plush hotel for the rich in the center of the city. And Kaufman (Dennis Hopper), the proprietor of the cushy hotel and only rich man left around.

Although I am not that big into Romero's as some people are, I was absolutely impressed with the stylistic nature of the movie. It was scary, funny, suspenseful and interesting. The plot moved well, the characters were developed (as well as could be expected in a Zombie movie anyway), and the script waste too cheesy. The gore factor was high, but really well done -- I think even the squeamish could appreciate the creativity it takes to come up with so many ways to rip a person apart!

BATMAN BEGINS GETS (4/5) * * * *

LAND OF THE DEAD GETS (3.5/5) * * * 1/2

How You Know You're in a Gay Bar

Ahh, Nothing Like the Crack in Texas!!!

An unusual massive crack opened last week in the Earth in Claude Texas, with some of the sections of the crack measuring up to 30 feet deep. The crack was also responsible for the drain of a pond in the area. Geologists are calling the size of this crack as unusual, even thou Earth cracks are common.

Geologists said Tuesday the crack was a joint in the earth's crust. They believe the opening is the result of a weak point in the joint where one spot slips away from the other.

Some parts measure more than 30-feet deep and it drained what used to be a pond. Experts say earth cracks are common but the size of the crack in Claude is not.

My Life in Office Space... Proven!

OK, so I've mentioned this before, even had a title of the same name a few times before. But this time you gotta agree that I really am in Office Space now.

About a month ago my direct boss got "let-go" because of money problems. He was making about a buck-twenty-five a year so it seemed like a good idea at the time for a company that was loosing money; even to him. However, a day later a woman who was his equal was promoted from VP to Associate Publisher. This new title basically made her second in command under the owner (and a big pay raise). Most of us were pissed because our beloved boss was canned for money reasons but this other woman was promoted.

Since that day they hired four more people for management positions while not replacing a few of the lower level people who left. I've been thinking about this for a few days now and realized something today. We are a company of (right now) exactly 20 people... With 10 people in management positions. That's right, HALF of our company is made up of supervisors. That's not all, they are looking to hire more!

Riddle me this, Batman:
What happens to a company of managers that has no one to manage?

Do You Hate Your Job?

I hate my job!

When you have an "I Hate My Job" day, try this.

On your way home fromwork, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson and Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.

When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.

Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair, open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now the fun part begins -

Take out the literature and read it carefully.

You will notice that in small print there is a statement, "Every rectal thermometer made by Johnson &Johnson is personally tested".

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do not work for quality control at Johnson and Johnson. "

HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOBTHAT IS WORSE THAN YOURS.

Are Critics EVER Right?

Well sometimes, but not here:

"Displays no trace of imagination, good taste or ingenuity... I say it's a stinkeroo. The vulgarity of which I was all too conscious all through the film is difficult to analyze. Part of it was the raw, eye-straining Technicolor, applied with a complete lack of restraint."

- Russell Maloney's review of "The Wizard Of Oz"
(1939), in the New Yorker Magazine

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"The new Disney cartoon "Bambi" is interesting because it's the first one that's been entirely unpleasant... Mickey wouldn't be caught dead in this."

- Manny Farber,
New Republic Magazine, June, 1942

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"Of Dickens' style it is impossible to speak in praise. It is jerky, ungrammatical, and created by himself in defiance of rules... No young novelist should ever dare to imitate the style of Dickens."

- Writer and critic Anthony Trollope

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"Beethoven's last quartets were written by a deaf man and should only be listened to by a deaf man."

- Sir Thomas Beecham

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"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."

- Decca Recording Company, rejecting The Beatles in 1962.

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"If Mr. Clemens cannot think of anything better to tell our pure-minded lads and lasses, he had better stop writing for them."

- Louisa May Alcott review of Mark Twain's "Huckleberry Finn"

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Siskel & Ebert on ET????

Rant of the Day...

Another Pit Bull Attack.

In the last few weeks a slew of pit bull attacks have pushed local officials toward a knee-jerk reaction of regulation of the notorious breed. We used to think of the pit bulls (American Bull Terriers or Staffordshire Terriers) as the breed of choice for thugs, gangsters, and general hooligans just as we did Rottweiler and Dobermans in the past. However, as the years went on we began to hear less and less of the Rottweiler and Doberman attacks and more about the pit bull attacks. Sadly, these loving and gentle natured dogs’ reputations were tarnished and shrouded in deception because of media attention and some of the people who chose to own them.

Walking through Oakland not too long ago, a friend of mine spotted an American Bull Terrier (the larger of the two breeds) walking down the street wearing a weighted vest with its’ thug of an owner. This idiot was obviously trying to make his dog look more intimidating by beefing up its body. We can’t assume that he was attempting to make his dog more aggressive, but intimidating for sure.

We’ve all heard recently about the attack in San Francisco that left a 12 year old boy dead. The fact is that a dog, especially a pit bull, does not just turn on its owner. There are however a few possibilities for why this happened. Not knowing the history of the animal I can only speculate based on what I have learned as a pit bull owner.

First:
The animal might have been saved from an abusive home where there was already a tendency toward violence. Either the dog was hit, or starved, or neglected in some way that made it feel like it had to fend for itself. This will make a dog aggressive especially around food or a potential mate.

Second:
Dominance was not established over this dog in the correct way.
A pit bull is a loving, caring, and gentle animal as long as it realizes that it is at the bottom of your family’s food chain. There are several ways to establish dominance that will last the lifetime of your dog. However, if the idea of dominance and ranking order within the family is left in question the dog will always feel that he/she has a chance at gaining alpha status. The keys to establishing dominance are simple as long as you star early:

-Hand feed you puppy one hand full of food from every bowl you feed them for the first month or so. This will show the dog that you are the one providing it with food and it doesn’t need to be protective of the food it gets. Also, it’s a good idea to pick up the food bowl in the middle of the dogs meal. If the dog does not become aggressive, praise him and return the food. If it does become aggressive…

-Another way to establish dominance over your pet is to NEVER tolerate growling that is not associated with play. A happy dog will always growl playfully during a game of tug-o-war. However, a dog that growls outside of this realm is either scared or aggressive; either way, you MUST discourage this behavior. Remember, a small puppy that grows aggressively will become a big dog that growls aggressively… and a big dog will attack. The way to discourage this is simple. When the puppy begins to growl, pick it up and hold it on it’s back with your hands placed in their armpits. With the right positioning the dog will not be able to bit you. It will however most likely yelp, bark, growl, or whine. While it is doing this don’t let go! Hold the dog in place and look directly in its eyes until it looks away from you. Holding a dog in a submissive pose will show it that you are alpha and there is nothing he/she can do about it.

-Another important, yet simple, step toward establishing dominance involves that beloved game tug-o-war. It is very important (if you have a dog that might have a reputation for aggression) to never let the dog win! Hold on to the rope at all cost. If you want to be done playing you must get the rope from the dog, then drop it. If the dog thinks it can get it’s way by using its’ teeth; it will!

Third:
Another possible reason for this dog’s aggression could be torment. The dog attacked a 12 year-old boy whom he was probably trying to establish dominance over. It is highly likely that the boy was tormenting the dog, which had finally had enough and decided to challenge his rank in the pack. I am in no way trying to blame the boy for the dog’s actions, I am merely explaining why this animal might have turned on his own family.

My original intention for this piece was to talk about the problems with holding a specific breed responsible for the actions of a few bad dogs and owners. In Europe the Staffordshire’s are referred to as nurse or babysitter dogs because they are so good with children. I have been a proud owner of a brown Staffordshire named Lola for 4 months now and I wouldn’t trade her for the world. She is gentle, even timid. She is great with people, loves to play, shows no aggression, and even plays with my cat Scully. She is by far the smartest dog I’ve ever know or had and I have no worries about her temperament or personality.

Sadly however, I find myself the position of constant defense of my dog. While looking for a new place to live recently I had to tell everyone I had a “Staffordshire Terrier” or just “terrier” because I knew I would never get a place with “pit bull” on my rental application; people won’t even look at a pit bull. I have know dozens of pit bulls in my life and all but maybe two of them have been amazing, loving, loyal animals. I am more scared of the breeds that I have only seen once or twice that have been aggressive: Dobermans, Akitas, Chows, German Shepherds. However, I know this is my own ignorance.

It’s true that some dogs can be inherently bad at the beginning of their lives, but I don’t believe that a dog will always be evil. I believe with a loving and caring home any animal can be sweet, gentle, and loyal. But it takes patience and understanding of how a dog’s mind works. There are plenty of us out there who are respectable dog owners. We as dog owners, as well as pit bulls as a breed, should not have to pay for the reprehensible actions of the few. Many of the laws that are trying to be passed are “breed-specific”. These are the wrong approach! I am not against mandatory spay/neuter of aggressive dogs, or fining people who leave their dogs unattended in their yards while they’re at work. But let’s make these laws for all dog owners, not just those of us with pit bulls.

.

And from the "Are You Fucking Serious" File:

Students offered online PE courses

MINNEAPOLIS, Minnesota (AP) -- It might not sound too strenuous, but some Minneapolis students are taking physical education courses online.

Jan Braaten, the district's lead teacher for physical education and health, said her staff was leery of the idea at first. "It's kind of an oxymoron to have online PE," she said.

But Braaten and others who developed the class are proud of their creation and say it's drawing interest from around the state and beyond. Online phys ed is being offered this summer as well.
Online learning offers a way for busy students to shoehorn the state-required academic courses and the electives they want into their schedules.

The course begins and ends with face-to-face meetings between student and teacher.

Those sessions include testing components of fitness such as strength, flexibility and endurance. Students also are provided with a heart monitor and record its readings and how hard they perceive they're working, along with other workout notes, in an activity journal. They e-mail their work for each weekly unit to teachers.

"It's sort of counterintuitive," concedes Judy McQuade, mother of student Chris Ransom.

"Snicker, snicker -- do I just click my mouse?"

This article came from here.

A Day in the Life... Of a Short Order Cook!

Cooks on Fire
Dan Neil
June 19, 2005

I've had some pretty awful jobs. One summer I worked as a coal monkey in a mine in Wyoming, shoveling salvageable ore out of the freezing, knee-deep slurry that collected under the machinery. Buried six stories underground, I spent 10 hours a day scurrying like Quasimodo under the bawling conveyor belts, with only my helmet lamp to see by, while a steady rain from the dust-suppression system soaked me to my underwear.

That was paradise compared to being a short-order cook.

If you haven't done it, you don't know. You couldn't be expected to know, because when you walk into a busy Denny's or an IHOP—at 1 p.m. or 4 a.m.—it all seems so brightly lit and inevitable, so orderly and obvious. So easy. The server writes down your order—wheat stack, two eggs over, sliced fruit, bacon black, hash browns—and in a few minutes the plate arrives, hot and brimming with cholesterol. No clue, really, to the pandemonium from whence it came. More coffee?

But back in the kitchen, war is raging. Well, not war, but a fevered game of multi-level lightning chess played in 100-degree heat on a slippery floor, a game that requires you to plan 10 moves ahead and keep planning and keep cooking as fast as chemistry and physics allow, a game where the best outcome is only a momentary stalemate, when orders get plated and picked up—saved from the flavor-murdering heat lamps—and tables get their food all at once, and you have a free hand to take a drink and wipe down the prep table and whisk some life back into the hollandaise, a game requiring supreme concentration while six people talk at you at once. Chef, Pittsburgh that Mex burger I need a turkey melt with wings where's my rye toast REORDER!

Few things to my eye are more poignant than the little sprig of parsley laid by the eggs just so, with the stem tucked under the crisp fringed edges. In the suffocating crush of a busy kitchen, with the window chandeliered with orders, someone has taken the time to dress the plate with that bittersweet garnish—a green boutonnière, a small, valiant flourish that he or she well knows will be laid aside absently, if not with mocking scorn. Is there a purer expression of the work ethic?

Imagine that it's 10 a.m. on Sunday morning at, oh, let's say Jerry's Famous Deli in Marina del Rey. You are running the hot line—that is, the grill. People are coming through the door as if they are escaping gunfire. You look up and you have 10 new orders—that is, 10 tables with servings for 46 people.

You scan the tickets. You're looking for dishes that will take the most time, because you have to start them first—six burgers, two bacon-cheese, three cheese (one Swiss and one bleu), one fried-egg burger . . . one rare, three medium, two well. Five orders for steak and eggs. Sixteen omelets, Denver and Greek and Spanish, three with egg whites, which if you are really lucky your pan man already has started.

At least there aren't any Monte Cristo sandwiches, which take agonizing minutes to make.

Chef, I need a Monte Cristo!

With the long-blade spatula, you clear off a spot at the top of the grill so that you can drop the patties and steaks in a line. Well done on the far left, rare on the right. All the food moves diagonally across the grill, left to right and top to bottom, in a slow tide. The nearer the steak or egg or pancakes or hash is to the right corner of the griddle, the closer it is to being done. You try to keep table orders together in ranks on the grill, but inevitably, entropy invades. The sweat and the heat wilt your fresh paper toque.

When the egg orders are 30 seconds out—you know that because they have reached that place on the grill—you start dropping toast: four rye, six wheat, six white . . . . No, damn it, we're out of pumpernickel. You yell through the window. Brad! '86 the pump!

Once in a while, a still point: The four waffle machines are seething with batter. Every fry basket in the place is bucking in the rolling grease. If you are lucky and very good—with the mental clarity of an air-traffic controller and the dexterity of Kali—you can actually have a laugh.

I was never that good. With the possible exception of the martyred St. Lawrence, no one has suffered over a grill more than me.

We lionize great chefs, and even the not so great, giving them TV shows where—Bam!—they over-season their food or run ill-conceived Manhattan trattorias into the ground. But the best chefs I've ever seen—people who, in another time and place, might be called geniuses—were these short-order warriors, who do an impossible job and make it look easy.

This article came from the LA Times Magazine.

Joke of the Day

Q:

Why don’t Italians like Jehovah’s Witnesses?

A:

’Cause Italians do not like any witnesses.

I've Been Saying This for 2 Years Now...

Study: Cell phones take up driver attention

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- Using a cell phone -- even with a hands-free device -- may distract drivers because the brain cannot handle both tasks, U.S. researchers said Tuesday.

Imaging tests show the brain directs its resources to either visual input or auditory input, but cannot fully activate both at the same time, the team at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore found.

"Our research helps explain why talking on a cell phone can impair driving performance, even when the driver is using a hands-free device," said Steven Yantis, a professor in the Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences who led the study.

"Directing attention to listening effectively 'turns down the volume' on input to the visual parts of the brain," he added in a statement.

"When attention is deployed to one modality -- say, in this case, talking on a cell phone -- it necessarily extracts a cost on another modality -- in this case, the visual task of driving."

Writing in the Journal of Neuroscience, Yantis and colleagues said they tested people aged 19 to 35 by showing them a computer display while they wore headphones playing voices.

At the same time, the volunteers brains were scanned using functional magnetic resonance imaging. They were told to look for specific numbers, for instance, on a computer screen, while hearing recorded voices saying a stream of numbers.

When the volunteers paid attention to visual tasks, the auditory parts of their brain recorded decreased activity, and vice-versa.

"It's as if the participants were changing the volume on visual input and auditory input depending on where they were supposed to be directing attention," Yantis said.

This is like driving and trying to talk on a cell phone. "You are sharing attention between vision and audition and doing the best you can," Yantis said.

This article came from Reuters and CNN.

Just when I thought we finally bred dog-fucking out of South Carolina...

SPARTANBURG, SOUTH CAROLINA (FOX Carolina News) - A Campobello teen is accused of raping one neighbor's dog and another neighbor's two little girls. Now the dog has died and charges against the teen have been upgraded.

After receiving word that the dog died possibly because of the rape. Fox Carolina called the Solicitor's office to see if now new charges would be filed against the teen. An hour later Solicitor Trey Gowdy called to say that the charges will be upgraded to the "most serious animal cruelty charges they have on the books."

The dog's owner Sylvia Jones says, "At first when it happened, I couldn't eat or sleep every morning I'm waking up thinking Princess is there but she's not.

Princess's little dog house is empty now. Sylvia Jones says she died of internal bleeding this past Sunday because of the rape. "The vet told me she had a little blood in her urine and that she was bleeding inside."

Sylvia says she and her husband would not have believed Cory Williamson raped Princess exactly two weeks to the day she died had they not seen it with their own eyes.

"When I got here we were laying on the deck looking at him and he had his pants down and he was doing sexual activity with the dog like a man would do to a woman."

The Jones family says Princess wouldn't eat or play anymore after the attack. "She (Princess) couldn't even sit down, her bottom was swollen sore."

Sylvia says she knows Princess was just a dog, but she wants people to know that Princess was also a part of her family. A family that now has been forever changed. "She looked so pitiful. It's sad, there was nothing I could do for her."

Neighbors worry that if Williamson is accused of raping a dog and molesting two girls in the same neighborhood, who knows what might happen next.

Neighbor Bill Johnson says, "As a community we shouldn't have to watch our kids every second they're playing. We want him out of this neighborhood."

The Solicitor's office says it wants to make sure Williamson is out of this neighborhood while he's awaiting trial on the molestation and dog rape charges so they are requesting that his bond be revoked. Williamson's bond hearing will be held next Friday.

This article came from here.

Sloshball Awards!

Alright, so my team didn't win this year, but the overall record is now tied at 4 wins for Holley and 4 Wins for me over the course of the 8 year sloshball history!

Anyway, here are my team awards:

Rookie of the year:
.

Frank Zeccola

with 3 triples and 2 runs scored.

Team Spirit Award:
.

Lisa Hanses

definitely led the team in spirit this year with her

loud praises and words of encouragement.

Most Improved:
.

Curren Cruz

(Center with boots on)

has definitely shown that he has grown to become

one of the team, someone we can rely on to make the catch

or get that clutch hit.

MVP:
.

James Baas

(Far Right)

hit the first "in-the-park-homerun"

in at least 4 years. After slipping while rounding 1st base, James went on to round the bases and barely make it home in one of the most exciting moments of the game. During our 9 innings James went back and fourth between great catches, huge hits, and feeding the baby; how much more could you ask for in an MVP!?!

Team Captain Award:

(That's Right Holley, I'm giving it to myself!!!)
.

OK, I felt left out so I gave myself an award for... well, For the sake of giving myself an award!

I was 2 for 3 with a double and a triple; I popped out in my third at bat.

I made two outs in the field. Not much of a contribution from

a team captain, but fun nonetheless!

Here is Our Team:
.

Here is Holley's Team:
.

-See ya'll next year!!!

A Lesson in Public Relations

A colleague of mine sent me this recently; I don't think you need to be a PR professional to think it's pretty funny:

The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING. However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing". Well, here it is:

SUPPOSE:

You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed,"

That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed,"

That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed,"

That's Telemarketing.

You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."

That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed,"

That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend.

That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.

That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"

That's Junk Mail.

You are at a party, this well-built man walks up to you and gropes your breast and grabs your ass ...

That's Arnold Schwarzenegger!

You liked it, but 20 years later your attorney decides you were offended.

That's America.

The Return of... He-Man and the Masters of the Universe

After 1987's debocle of a travisty entitled The Masters of the Universe -- starring Dolf Lundgren and (believe it or not) Courtney Cox -- no one thought anyone would be brave enought to try to resurect this homo-erotic children's fare. Enter John Woo!

That's right ladies, gents, and general homo-eroticism enthusiests, John Woo has taken the helm of a new He-Man movie to be release sometime next year.

Starring Jason Lewis as He Man:

.
And Jennifer Garner as She Ra:

It's gotta be better than the original.

Happy Flag Day

.

Ahh, The Daily News is Full of Them Recently...

Notice the parts I Bolded; I love tabloid journalism.

Stowaway's bodyparts rain down
BY AUSTIN FENNER and LAURA WILLIAMS
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITERS
Wednesday, June 8th, 2005

A man's severed leg - with a white Adidas sneaker still attached - plummeted from the sky onto a garage roof and bounced into the backyard of a Long Island home yesterday morning.

Pam Hearne heard "a very loud bang" outside her family's South Floral Park house at 7a.m., but thought little of it and went to work.

It wasn't until she got back home at 10:30 a.m. that she noticed something bizarre out her window.

"There was a human body part back there," she said. "It was rather large."

The leg, hip and chunk of torso apparently fell from the wheel well of a South African jetliner about to land at Kennedy Airport.

When Hearne first saw the leg in the grass, it didn't look real. But authorities assured the special education teacher it wasn't a "cruel joke."

"It was very blackened, as if it had been charred," she said.

The victim, apparently a stowaway, likely crawled into the wheel well of the South African Airways jet in Dakar, Senegal, authorities said.

After taking off from Dakar at 11:40 p.m. New York time, the pilot felt some unusual vibrations. But a diagnostic check turned up nothing unusual, and the flight continued to Queens, said Nassau Police Detective Lt. Kevin Smith.

A customs inspector discovered more human remains - including another leg - in the wheel well after the jet landed, said Port Authority spokesman Tony Ciavolella.

"The body was badly battered, the clothing shredded," Smith said. "And the plane was battered from the body parts."

Floral Park is about 5-1/2 miles from Kennedy - just the spot where a pilot would likely lower the landing gear.

The cause of death was under investigation, pending a medical examiner's report, Ciavolella said.

There have been several cases of airplane stowaways being killed by the extreme cold at high altitude or crushed to death inside aircraft wheel wells.

The landing gear rotates inward as the wheels retract and outward for landing. It was unclear how far the leg fell but the impact dented the shingled roof of the garage.

"I guess it was some poor soul who dreamed to look for his freedom," Hearne said. "I'm hoping he wasn't in much pain."

"He took a chance and he lost," said Anthony Coetzee, 43, of South Africa, who was waiting for a flight home yesterday.

The South African Airways flight to Johannesburg was canceled yesterday.

A letter distributed to passengers by the airline made no mention of the body. It simply said that the jet needed to be repaired because of "some damage to the fuselage."

Why I love Religious Zealots

Check out this picture:

.

Let's look at this list of people this idiot deems hellworthy.

We have:

-Drunkards & Fornicators... well, I guess I'm going to hell
-Atheists & General Heathens... Not looking much better for my friends
-Idolaters, Liers, & Sodomites... There go the politicians, Scientologists, and Clergymen
-Witches & Satanists... There go most entertainers, artists, and musicians
And lastly
Abortionists & Aldulterers... that about takes care of half the teenage population and the 50% of marriages that end in divorce.

So who's left? I'm sure this guy thinks he is. But ironically, the one type of person he's forgetting are the ignorant assholes that preach hate in the name of God; fucking hypocrites! So my bet is this guy will be first in line to hell and we sinners will inherit the Earth!

The Return of Pink Floyd

Pink Floyd reuniting for Live 8
Concert marks first public performance since 1981
Sunday, June 12, 2005

LONDON, England (Reuters) -- Four members of seminal British rock band Pink Floyd will play together for the first time in 24 years at London's Live 8 charity concert for Africa on July 2, publicists for the event said on Sunday.

Guitarist David Gilmour, drummer Nick Mason and keyboard player Richard Wright will be on stage with bassist Roger Waters for their first public performance since they played at London's Earls Court in 1981.

The rock legends will join a star-studded line-up including Coldplay, Elton John and Paul McCartney at the Live 8 concert in Hyde Park, organized by activist rocker Bob Geldof to pressure rich nations to ease African poverty.

"Like most people I want to do everything I can to persuade the G8 leaders to make huge commitments to the relief of poverty and increased aid to the third world," said Gilmour.

"Any squabbles Roger and the band have had in the past are so petty in this context, and if reforming for this concert will help focus attention then it's got to be worthwhile."

The band released their first album "The Piper at the Gates of Dawn" in 1967 and broke records with 1973's "The Dark Side Of The Moon", which remained in the American album charts for more than a decade.

In the 1980s relations between Waters and the rest of the group soured, with Waters suing over the rights to the Pink Floyd name.

Gilmore, Mason and Wright continued to record and tour as Pink Floyd, releasing their last studio album "The Division Bell" in 1994.

This article comes from CNN.

And from the "now That's Dedication" file...

Delivery man gets pizzas to customers after being shot
THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Wednesday, June 8th, 2005

TAMPA, Fla. — A robbery attempt by a masked man and a gunshot wound to the leg didn’t stop a pizza delivery man from making his rounds, pies in hand.

Thomas Stefanelli, 37, said dedication to his job at Hungry Howie’s Pizza kept him on the job after a struggle with a robber Saturday night left him bleeding from a bullet wound in his left thigh.

Stefanelli arrived at a home only to realize it was vacant, police said. The masked man approached Stefanelli, pointed a gun and demanded money. Stefanelli said he fought with the man, and two shots were fired. One hit Stefanelli, but he did not immediately notice.

The shooter eventually fled with a second man.

“They figured they were going to make an easy mark by robbing a pizza delivery person,” said police spokesman Joe Durkin.

Stefanelli finally noticed his wound. His cell phone wasn’t working, so he drove to his next delivery address, dropped off the pie and called his boss to ask him to call the police.

Stefanelli went on to make three more deliveries.

“It bled a little bit, not much,” he said.

He was treated and released from a hospital.

No arrests have been made, but police have identified several suspects, Durkin said.

-This article came from the New York Daily News.

Yay Capitalism...

. When I got to work this morning I checked my email to find one of my "upcoming concert" emails. This particular one was my Ticketmaster update with a headline of "Don't miss the Rolling Stones". Now, I am not what you would call a fan of The Stones in fact, I really don't like them much at all. I do however have respect for any band that can hang on to any semblance of fame and/or notoriety for 30+ years, but that doesn't mean that I have to like their music.

curiosity got the best of me, so I clicked on the link to see the prices for the Rotting Bones (I mean Rolling Stones) show in SF. I knew last year's tickets were over $200 and I assumed this years would be in close proximity; I was mistaken. The premium seats for this years show is a staggering $464.25. From there the ticket prices slowly decline to $164.25, $103.25, and a meager $64.25.

Just when I thought there wasn't an idiot left on Earth to pay these prices, they added ANOTHER show to SBC park. Ya know, when Madonna went on her "farewell" tour I expected it to be expensive. When the Eagles got back together for a reunion tour, I knew it would be outrageous. When Paul McCartney came back to the US for the first time in 10 years, I knew the ticket prices would be high. But these fuckers charged 200 last year, and the year before that, and the year before that. These guys aren't the fucking Beatles people. They had some great songs, and have been around for a while; but C'mon, stop feed into these guys fucking egos! Keith Richards is rolling over in his grave the freakin' guy isn't even dead yet! Actually, I think he died in 1987 and no one ever told him. And as for Mick Jagger, I hear on this tour he is attaching the mic directly to his walker for added mobility.

Gary & Melissa by King Missile

Gary and Melissa loved to make love,

loved to make love,

loved to make love to each other,

Over and over and over again,

For the first few weeks of their relationship they made love four or five times a night,

They were really turned on for a while,

Then to enhance their passionThey bought sex books,

The Joy of Sex

The Sensous Couple

The Joy of Sex Part 2

The Kama Sutra

Even Yet More Still Joy of Sex

Popular Mechanics

Betty Crocker

Anything,

They tried as many positions as they were capable of,

Physically, Physically, Physically,

They were really turned on for awhile,

Then to heighten their passionThey bought sex toys

Ben-wa balls

French ticklers

Nipple clamps

Cock rings

Whips and chains and bondage gear

Bowling balls

Dildos

Vibrators

Watermelons

Commemorative Statuettes of Liberty

Anything

They were really turned on for awhile,

They set up a video camera and taped themselves having sex

Then they watched it on the VCR while having more sex

Then to heighten their passion, Gary taped Melissa having sex with some of his friends

And Melissa taped Gary having sex with some of her friends

Then they watched it on the VCR while having more sex

They were really turned on for a while,

As the years went by

Gary and Melissa became fine upstanding members of their community

Although they never married, their relationship outlasted all the marriages on their block

And they never fought,

Except to heighten their passion

They had made an agreement that when one of them died

The other would continue to live with and make love to the corpse

But as luck would have it

They were both killed in a freak accident and died at the exact same moment

Holding hands

2005 Darwin Awards

This was forwarded to me by a colleague:

Yes, it’s that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least Evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners. 2005 Darwin Award Winners:

When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. And now, the

honorable mentions:

2.

The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3.

A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4.

After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5.

An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6.

A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7.

Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8.

As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9.

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

And a 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER:

10.

When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd had in years.

The Return of Reasonable Discipline in Schools??? I Don't Think So.

Substitute teacher choked boy unconscious
By Kimberly Atkins
HERALD EXCLUSIVE
Wednesday, June 8, 2005

The family of a 12-year-old Dorchester boy is demanding answers after they say he was choked unconscious by a substitute teacher in an elementary school classroom, then put on a bus and sent home after he recovered.

The incident, which Boston Public Schools officials say is under investigation, allegedly happened Thursday at the John Marshall Elementary School.

But Elemenia Jackson, the boy's grandmother and custodial parent, said the school never notified her. Instead, she found out Thursday night when a neighbor who is a classmate of the boy ran up to her as she returned home from work.

"He said the teacher asked how long does it take for a student to black out,'' she said. "Someone said `I don't know,' and she said `Well, let's try it' and then she turned and choked him.''

She said her grandson, Anthony Jackson, a fifth-grader, said the teacher wrapped her hands around his throat and choked him with such force that he lost consciousness and fell to the floor, but no one called for emergency help.

"They just sent him home,'' his grandmother said. ``They put him on the bus.''

Anthony, still reluctant to talk about the incident, said he had a headache afterward, but has since recovered. His family took him to Roxbury Comprehensive Community Health Center Friday morning to be checked out, but he suffered no serious injuries.

Anthony's mother, Elaine Jackson, said she went to the school Friday to find out what happened, and was given only an apology by school officials.

"That's not enough,'' she said. ``She shouldn't be in there.''

Theresa Harvey-Jackson, principal at the school, was at a conference yesterday and unable to comment. But School Department spokesman Jonathan Palumbo said that the Department of Social Services was investigating the matter, and the district would await any DSS action before deciding what, if any, disciplinary measures would be taken against the teacher, who was not identified by officials yesterday.

"The principal took the proper statements from the folks who were around and the matter was turned over to DSS,'' Palumbo said. "The person, obviously, will not be assigned to the building until the investigation is complete.''

The teacher involved was a ``cluster paraprofessional'' employed by the district and assigned as needed to help out in classrooms, Palumbo said. The Jacksons said Anthony's regular teacher has returned to the classroom.

Anthony was back in school this week, and was well enough to play a youth league baseball game yesterday, Elemenia Jackson said. But Elaine Jackson said the matter was far from over - she planned to file a police report yesterday.

This article came from the Boston Herald.

The Morning After.

Yep, this is how I feel after the night of drinking and partyng I did for my B-day...

.

Today's Rock and Roll Birthdays

You know today is a big one!

That's right, today is my birthday (1977) as well as a few other awesome rockers:

Tom Jones

born on this day in 1940

Prince

Born on this day in 1958

Here are a few others who share my day:

Anna Kournikova

(1981)

Liam Neeson

(1952)

Jenny Jones

(1946)

Dean Martin

(1917)

Jessica Tandy

(1909)

Rocky Graziano

(boxer)

(1922)

Ken Osmond

(TV's Eddie Haskel)

(1943)

Joey Scarsbury

(wrote the theme song to The Greatest American Hero called "Believe it Or Not".)

(1955)

Allen Iverson

(1975)

I love being a Jew

.

If I'm lucky...

Well, I just applied for credit to buy this motorcycle. Wish me luck!

.

Believe it or Not

This woman is a JUDGE on "America's Next Top Model." Yikes!

.

Yet Another Sad Day in America

Supreme Court outlaws use of marijuana for medical reasons

Monday, June 6, 2005 Posted: 10:40 AM EDT

Federal authorities may prosecute sick people who smoke pot on doctors' orders, the Supreme Court ruled Monday, concluding that state medical marijuana laws don't protect users from a federal ban on the drug.

The decision is a stinging defeat for marijuana advocates who had successfully pushed 10 states to allow the drug's use to treat various illnesses.

Justice John Paul Stevens, writing the 6-3 decision, said that Congress could change the law to allow medical use of marijuana.

The closely watched case was an appeal by the Bush administration in a case that it lost in late 2003. At issue was whether the prosecution of medical marijuana users under the federal Controlled Substances Act was constitutional.

Under the Constitution, Congress may pass laws regulating a state's economic activity so long as it involves "interstate commerce" that crosses state borders. The California marijuana in question was homegrown, distributed to patients without charge and without crossing state lines.

Stevens said there are other legal options for patients, "but perhaps even more important than these legal avenues is the democratic process, in which the voices of voters allied with these respondents may one day be heard in the halls of Congress."

California's medical marijuana law, passed by voters in 1996, allows people to grow, smoke or obtain marijuana for medical needs with a doctor's recommendation. Alaska, Colorado, Hawaii, Maine, Montana, Nevada, Oregon, Vermont and Washington state have laws similar to California.

In those states, doctors generally can give written or oral recommendations on marijuana to patients with cancer, HIV and other serious illnesses.

Find this article

Return of the Tighty Blue & Reddies?

Brandon Routh

in

Superman Returns

Summer 2006

Today's Musical Birthday

Curtis mayfield

Soul & Funk Pioneer

(1942)

And you thought your bathroom was bad

.

A Great Quote for the Day

The best thing I ever did was be gay. It's like the coolest thing in the world for me.

-Anne Heche

Then girlfriend of Ellen Degeneres

Now married (to a man) with children

Today's Musical Birthdays

Charlie Watts

(The Rolling Stones)

(1941)

B-Real

(1970)

Movie Review: Revenge of the Sith

I actually saw this movie over a week ago but didn't think it was worth the proverbial ink to write about it. However, I can't figure out why so many people are saying the diologue is awefull and the acting sucks but "man, that movie was awesome!" So here are a few of my thoughts:

Tsk, tsk, tsk George Lucas, Tsk tsk! I have one question about this trilogy of catastrophe -- How can George Lucas assemble a cast like Samuel L. Jackson, Ewen MacGregor, Natalie Portman, Jimmy Smits, and Hayden Christensen and obviously tell them not to act! This movie, just as the last two, runs dialogue reminiscent of a sophomore film school student... One with a D average at that.

Film school 101 should have taught Lucas that cheesy dialogue doesn't work in an action movie of this caliper. Cut the budget down to say $200,000 (like the original movies) and bad dialogue becomes endearing. But in a $50,000,000 blockbuster it comes off really lame.

As for the bad acting, lets break this down:

Samuel L. Jackson

Pulp Fiction, Shaft, and The Long Kiss Good Night: Amazing

Natalie Portman

The Professional, and Mars Attacks: Spectacular

Ewen MacGregor

Trainspotting, Big Fish: Superb

Hayden Christensen

The Virgin Suicides and Life as a House: Both really good

And

Jimmy smits...

well, he was good on NYPD Blue

So the only logical conclusion is that George Lucas might be the worst director in movie history... At least the worst one to consistently break opening weekend sales records.

I'll give the movie this much in credit though:

--Visually it was better than the other two in that the CGI is more advanced (not as cartoonish).

--The story line did a good job tying in the end of this movie with the beginning of the A New Hope.

--It WAS better than the other two... Although we all know that is NOT a compliment.

Now, for what I didn't like:

--They totally punked out on the Wookie planet (ooh, a whole 5 minutes worth)

--As stated earlier, possibly the worst dialogue since Con Air

--Yoda's fight scenes are still stupid

--They got James Earl Jones to return for a total of 6 lines

--Darth Vadar Yelling Noooooooooo

--Can't be siad enough: possibly the worst dialogue since National Treasure.

Sadly, no matter what I or anyone else says, this movie will make 20 gazillion dollars and will be seen by 90% of the wrolds population. I just hope that after reading this your expectations will be lowered. Trust me, if they are you'll enjoy the movie much more.

Oh, one last thing, after you go see Star Wars, go see Hitchhiker's Guide! Now that's a movie.

My Life in Office Space

Ever feel like Lumberg is fucking your girlfriend? (Metaphorically of course)

Today's Musical Birthday

Ron Wood

The Rolling Stones

(1947)

And From the "Choose Your Battles" File...

Ya know, when it comes to conservative religious groups I am always impressed at which battles they choose to fight and which issues they choose to support. They get behind Bush in support of the war in Iraq, and they support the death penalty... But are against abortion. So I guess some kinds of killing are allowed while others are not. Oh, then there was the policy of none-involvement during the Holocaust so I guess killing none Catholics can be acceptable as well.

Recently the Religious right has chosen a battle so socially relevant that it can not be ignored; Civil Rights. I have bitched about this before because I think it's thoroughly fucked up that we allow people to regulate civil rights based on a book written by MEN 2000 years ago, then translated by all WHITE MEN a little over 200 years ago. But nonetheless, this outdated book of similies and metaphors has been allowed to be taken literally by ignorant racists and bigots for decades in this country and around the world.

In the past few years we have seen some winners like the "God hates fags" asshole who carries signs around gay pride rallies. First of all, why would God hate anyone except for the asshole with that sign.

So while American's are dying everyday in an "acceptable" (yet unjustified) war in Iraq, the "American Family Association" is taking the important step of calling for a boycott of Ford because they believe the company has an agenda that's pro-homosexual. I'm glad these Christians are taking the important steps to save Americans from deadly men in toupe sweater-vests and the oh-so-dangerous flannel-wearing mullet women.

Why aren't these fucking idiots calling for a boycott of Exxon or Mobil for selling us oil that funds terrorists? I'll tell you why, because then they couldn't ride around in their SUV's with "God hates fags" painted on the side.

Here is the article of which I speak:

Ford target of boycott
Conservative Christian group calls boycott of automaker, charging it has pro-homosexual agenda.
June 1, 2005: 8:01 AM EDT

NEW YORK (CNN/Money) - A conservative Christian group is calling for a boycott of Ford Motor Co. for what it says is the automaker's support of a pro-homosexual agenda.

The boycott was called by the American Family Association, which a week before called off a nine-year boycott of Walt Disney Co. (Research) which it had declared on the same grounds.

AFA special projects director Randy Sharp told the Detroit News nearly 55,000 people had signed a pledge supporting the boycott by Tuesday afternoon.

Ford (Research) provides health care benefits for same sex partners of its employees, as does General Motors Corp. (Research) and Chrysler Group, a unit of DaimlerChrysler (Research), according to the News. But the group said that it also objects to donations that Ford has given to gay rights groups and advertising it bought in programs at gay pride events.

"From redefining family to include homosexual marriage, to giving hundreds of thousands of dollars to support homosexual groups and their agenda, to forcing managers to attend diversity training on how to promote the acceptance of homosexuality...to sponsoring Gay Pride Parades, Ford leads the way," said a notice on the group's Web site.

Ford vice president of human resources Joe Laymon told the Detroit News that the company "values all people, regardless of their race, religion, gender, sexual orientation and cultural or physical differences."

Tupelo, Miss.-based AFA told the News it e-mailed an announcement about the Ford boycott to 2.2 million supporters.

The group said last month that it was ending its boycott of Disney because of some signs of change at the media conglomerate and because, "We feel after nine years of boycotting Disney we have made our point."

It also said that the problems that the group has with Disney have become "lost among the other battles being fought on a crowded cultural battlefield."

The AFA cited the upcoming retirement of Michael Eisner as CEO, the departure of the founders of the Miramax film studio from the company as what it feels are positive moves at the company. It also cheered the decision by Disney co-produce a film based the book "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe," by C.S. Lewis, which the group described as a "Christian literary classic."

It said that Disney is reaching out to Christian groups to market the film, due for release in December.

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